I’m sure no one is surprised that I ended up leaving rehab early. But contrary to expectations, this was NOT by any fault of my own, but because insurance companies suck (I’m looking at you – United Healthcare).
I’m going to be honest – as soon as I left the Camp, I caved; I couldn’t help but drink some kombucha at <0.5% ABV. I was wondering if I’d get tipsy now that my body is as pure as driven snow, but no effects were felt.
Anyways, today is day 27 of sobriety, the longest I’ve gone without drinking in years. How do I feel? Pretty fantastic. As it turns out, antidepressants don’t work their best when you down them with vodka. Now, my mood is stable and I have a ton of energy. Also, my hands aren’t shaking anymore (oops, guess that really was from alcohol withdrawal).
A lot went down at the Camp. On day 4, I accepted that I am an alcoholic (SHOCKER). During week 2, I realized with the help of my counselor that I have issues with codependency and setting boundaries with people. (I was told that during my second week of sobriety, I’d be “hit by a train” of emotions. This was no BS. Sorry to anyone who saw me ugly cry). After about 23 days, I conquered my fear of playing piano for large groups of people and performed during open mic night.
Any apprehension I had about rehab vanished after just a few hours of being there. I can say without a doubt that I have never in my life experienced a stronger, more supportive community. There wasn’t a single moment where I felt like I couldn’t be myself, which was huge given that alcohol had become my tool to feeling comfortable in my own skin.
I never thought I would say these words, but leaving rehab was tough. Cafeteria food aside, living at the Camp felt like being part of a beautiful little utopia. The facility is nestled in redwood trees, and the spaces are clean and homey. No electronics are allowed, making it easier to stay focused on recovery rather than external pressures. Finally, every member of the staff does everything in their power to help you out.
In order to keep my sobriety now that I am “out in the real world” (apparently a stint in rehab doesn’t just cure you ☹) I am doing several things. I have moved into a sober living environment (SLE) in San Francisco (basically, a shared house where you are obligated to stay clean and sober). I am attending AA meetings and will be working the 12 steps. Finally, I will soon be starting an intensive outpatient program (IOP).
None of the paragraph above would have made any sense to me a month ago, but this post is just a quick update. I will be writing about my time in rehab in much more detail over the next few weeks.
Until then, I better not hear that people are betting on how long I will stay sober….
Almost Linear 